A STEP INTO THE UNKNOWN
Updated: Sep 7, 2018
A Step in to the Unknown
It’s darker than grief, like breathing with no air, an implosion of oneself; it doesn’t matter the way you describe it, it’s a horrifying state to be trapped in. Depression and any mental illness is a condition that a minority experiences, and a majority can only remotely grasp. It is a world in our minds that we live in, while trying our best to live in the one with everyone else. Splitting ourselves in two for one person to be the one that others want to see and be, versus the person that we really are and struggle to show the world and escape the world in our minds.
If an outsider can’t truly conceptualize serious depression, then how do they sympathize, take it seriously, or even address it? From the outside it may look like laziness, bad attitude, or ugly behavior. It may even seem as rebelling to some. Who could possibly sympathize with such unattractive traits? How can someone come to love someone that they cannot understand? It is a struggle of wanting and needing to please those around us. Struggling to show how broken we are, struggling to show that we are suffocating with everything around us. Those who cannot conceptualize the struggles within, how can they ever be there when they are needed?
But depression is far more complex than just “unhappiness”. It’s like you become some sort of half-living ghost. The sad part is that we have to be the one that kills part of who we are? Whatever way you look at it, those that go through any mental illness lose in more ways than one. Do we tell others how we feel? What we really are going through? Or do we put on the mask, the mask that everyone around us wants to see. Some of us kill the person that we really are to become the one that others want us to be. In the moments that we cannot bear the weight and the struggle anymore we become the ghost that others fear and hate to see!
You live in fear but don’t know what you’re afraid of. And despite everything that is going on inside, it’s barely noticeable to an observer except for maybe increased irritability. From the outside, everything remains familiar. But on the inside, there’s a dark storm. Sometimes you have this overwhelming need to just stand in the middle of the street and scream for no reason at all. To find a way to release the pain that is killing us. Screaming for others to come and help when you need it most. You even find yourself so uninterested in moments you should be at your happiest, a feeling of choking in our words.
These unattractive traits and incredibly negative emotions make it almost intolerable for anyone to empathize with someone who suffers from depression. But it’s real and it deserves sympathy and help. However, that’s easier said than done. It is easier to imagine those being there than actually expecting them there. Fearing the judgment that will come from asking someone to be there for us. Constantly thinking, is there anyone that will ever come to help me escape this dark storm? Will there ever be someone that can love me for who I am? Can there be anyone, anyone at all that can hear me screaming in pain? Can anyone see my pain?
People don’t understand depression because it’s hard to imagine. It is hard to put into words how some of us that may seem like they have it all still go through something like this. Or maybe it’s because people don’t want to understand it. Depression recognizes that life is sad and frightening, and that haunts everyone. Therefore, depression may never be fully understood by the unaffiliated population. Not only because they lack the imagination, but rather because they don’t want to understand. Not being able to understand the pain is what pushes us further into the darkness, it helps the darkness take over and consume us completely to the point of no return. To the point that we are trapped in the maze of our own mind asking and looking for anyone to come and help.
It is a misconception of what someone has to do for those that are going through depression and any mental illness. Yet it is so simple to be there for someone that is in need. It is the little things that matter at the end of the day; it is the little things that really affect our minds and us. Being there by just simply being there, sitting or listening to what we have to say, to give a hug when we are falling apart. It is the simplest of things that make the biggest of impacts on what really matter.